Robert Rodriguez' machete has one of the best & engrossing opening 5 minutes or so in a film i have seen in a long time. With Rodriguez at the controls i knew it was going to be a rough high octane ride but the beginning came with a massacre involving a naked woman and many severed heads, and it keeps on slamming and banging with a gleeful, nose-thumbing insouciance. Brilliant.

Most of the time the pace is swift but there was a hole, a big hole and the pace lost itself and the hole was only filled with more blood and guts, that for me wasnt the best way to fill a hole it was an obvious way, the tone was playful and comedic at times, the screenplay was also peppered with one-liners. Whether mowed down by gunfire or dispatched by sheaves of blades, the bodies pile up in split-second blasts of carnage.

With his buffalo head, craggy Rhino-type skin, unsmiling face, stringy hair and superhuman facilities as a knife thrower, Danny Trejo offers an amusing inside-out caricature of the Hollywood stereotype of a Latin American drug cartel’s sinister enforcer who speaks in growled sound bites.

As an ex-Federale, Machete has escaped to Texas after clashing with Torrez (Seagal), a Mexican drug kingpin who owns every politician on both sides of the border. In Torrez’ pocket is McLaughlin (De Niro), a Texas senator who campaigns on an anti-immigration platform and who Mr. De Niro plays as a crinkly-eyed, hate-spewing hybrid of Lyndon B. Johnson and George W. Bush; one campaign commercial compares illegal immigrants to cockroaches. From his smirking lips issue rhetorical bombshells that even the most fervent supporter of Arizona’s new immigration law wouldn’t dare spew in public.

Hired to assassinate McLaughlin, Machete is unknowingly set up as the fall guy. During the attempt to dispatch of him, Machete is wounded, and in the movie’s funniest gag, he escapes from the hospital.......what happens next im not going to share with you. i dont do spoilers. Slicing, stabbing and shooting his way to glory, he ascends from day laborer to leader of an army of United States-bound Mexicans wielding garden tools.

All women seem to go weak at the knee and melt like a chocky bar left on the pavement in the Dubai sun when they spend time with our Machete. He's an expressionless killing machine who discharges it with cool, deadpan indifference.

Machete is a thrill ride with a bath load of gore, nudity and violence that is very enjoyable. At times you have the feeling that the film may evoke a race war. Theres plenty of political button pushing but its to over the top to qualify as satire. This is good Grindhouse fare for sure, not a fantastic film but very enjoyable.

Overall: 8.2/10

MACHETE, a Robert Rodriguez film, starring Danny Trejo, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Jeff Fahey, Robert DeNiro, Steven Seagal, Lindsay Lohan, Tom Savini, Cheech Marin, and Don Johnson…. Soak that in for a moment.

The story for Machete, as outlandish as it is, goes something like this: He looked like just another day laborer from the hood, and the perfect scapegoat for a corrupt political assassination. But he turned out to be MACHETE, a legendary ex-Federale with a deadly attitude and the skills to match. Left for dead after attempting to go against the notorious Mexican drug kingpin Torrez, Steven Seagal, Machete has escaped to Texas. But what he finds is a web of corruption and betrayal that leaves a bullet in a senator, Robert DeNiro, and Machete a wanted man. Machete sets out to clear his name and expose this conspiracy, but he does it…. The MACHETE way. What ensues is a wildly creative tale of carnage, vengeance, and a Mexican Revolution. You might have been familiar with this film since 2007, since a fake trailer for Machete was shown in the ambitious double feature event Grindhouse that is now regarded as legendary trailer…. Well, now you have your entire film version.

Danny Trejo is finally getting his due here. Always the most bad-ass in his film appearances, he's never had much of a leading role, except for now. He is fantastic as Machete, and at the current age of 66, the action he does is pretty phenomenal. Machete is the type of character that always gets the one-up on the bad guys and the love of the ladies, and you can just sense that Trejo is loving every moment of it. Luckily, so are we.

Machete is a film chock-full of truly schmaltzy performances from every member of the cast. The big difference here is that the schmaltz is intentional. The villains of this movie are so appropriately evil and murderous, with a samurai sword wielding Steven Seagal, in his first villainous role, simply stealing the show as Torrez. Yes, I just said that Steven Seagal stole the show over a hilarious politically incorrect politician Robert DeNiro, a sleazy rogue businessman Jeff Fahey, and a sinister Mexican shooting Don Johnson. You really want to see these foes get what they deserve. Bonus points if you spot Quentin Tarantino in a blink and you miss it cameo! With these villains, and their humorous henchmen, Machete also has his own connections and compadres. Jessica Alba is, believe it or not, the main love interest to Machete and some of her deliveries are so cringe-inducing, it's squirm-worthy. Yet, she's alright! There's also Michelle Rodriguez as Luz, a rather attractive taco truck lady who may have a secret identity as a Mexican patriot who plays it just fine. But it's Padre, Machete's brother, played by Cheech Marin, whose sequences in the film are some of the very best. He's hysterical and can handle dual shotguns like nobody else. And yes, Lindsay Lohan is in this and she's not half-bad for the little things she has to do. When she's not nude, she's dressed up as a pretty nifty revolver packing nun, but she doesn't pack that much of a punch.

Machete is a film that embodies all of the facets a 1970s blaxploitation film would have, but with the Hispanic culture. This is Mexploitation, with a resonant grindhouse feeling, complete with film reel scratches and fake political ads. But the violence and action in this is so extraordinary and unapologetically gruesome, with the extremity of it all not being taken seriously at all. The things they do in this film, guaranteed you haven't seen most of them ever done before. Corkscrews, high-heels, weed-whackers, and, of course, machetes, are only a very small listing of all the tools and weapons used to dispatch characters in Machete. It's over the top, absolutely ridiculous scenes that pop up every five minutes and make for a joyous film experience. There are too many be-headings, blood-splattering gunshots, and limb removals to count…. Don't even get me started on the stabbings. To add the cherry on top, Machete is shot perfectly, fluidly, and inventively.

Machete is completely, for lack of a better term, over the top, has a fitting heavy and groovy soundtrack, and never holds back on the gore. The dialogue is hokey and full of Mexican puns, but it knows this. Machete loves to poke fun at itself and its ridiculous concepts, with characters questioning certain events in the movie, realizations that everything is insane, and an awesome B-movie touch that graces the opening of the end credits. Machete is Robert Rodriguez's most enjoyable and best film to date. It's so fun, so amazing, and actually provides a sort of a social political message, now with racial profiling and immigration being a controversial Americana topic. It's why Machete is such a great film for the times, and will be looked upon as one of the culturally relevant films of the last couple years… I'm as shocked as you are.

Machete is the best action film of 2010 and is certainly one of the best of the year. It's fantastic entertainment that I oh so highly recommend you watch. Machete es...... Yes, excelente.

This movie was awesome!!!

Definately a must see if you like all out action!!

It had an all star cast; Seagal, Trejo, De Niro, Alba, Rodriguez, Lohan.

Just epic, it was produced by Tarantino, and as far as his work goes, you can't go wrong. He really made an excellent movie and picked an amazing cast. To see Steven Seagal play a bad guy was a first but it went really well. Danny Trejo was the main star and he was epic, he really did excell himself. It was a good mix of characters aswell, you had the hero and two girls, not one but two, three main bad guys and one of their families (lindsay lohan included) and a lot of good guys vs bad guys. It was an all out battle at the end which was amazing and really gave the movie a must see ending, to see that ammount of fire power mixed with blade work was really well thought out.

Tarantino always has blood in his movies and lots of it, in Kill Bill Daryl Hannah loses an eye and in this Michelle Rodrieguez loses an eye. His films always contain a lot of gore and this film doesn't fail that trait, with beheadings, stabbings, slicings and shootings it keeps you on the edge of your seat and giving you the urge to just shout out yesssssss at times!!

You see michelle Rodreiguez scantilly clad aswell as jessica alba, you get to see lindsy lohan mostly naked which is a plus!

This movie is definately worth your while and to not watch it would be a crime, I rate it 10/10