MissGhoulscout

a englishman a scotsman and a irishman whent on a 4 day backpack threw the amazon on there first day there they got captured of a tribe of amazon cannibals who proceded to take them to there village and present them to there elders scared out there minds they watched as the elders left there high chairs and aproached , the head elder said to the 3 in a loud voice i will not lie to yous we are going to skin you and eat you we are goin to make your skin into canoes to go fishing with but i will grant yous one last request he approaches the englishman and asks your last request is to which he responds could i have a piece of paper and a pencil and post this too my family,the elder gives him a piece of paper and a pencil and says this will be posted to your family,and asks why is this your last request, the englishman replys so they can no how much i love them and will miss them englishman writes his leter gives it to elder, then the elder moves on to the scotsman and says your last request to which the scotsman reply same as him,the elder gives him piece of paper and pencil and asks why the scotsman tells him so my family same as englishman knows how much i love them and miss them he writes his leter and gives it to the elder, the elder now looks at the irishman and says your last request to which the irishman replys can i have a fork the elder looks at him then gives him a fork and asks why you want a fork to which the irishman replys while stabing himself all over cause your not making me into a fuckn canoe

a scottish mans job is to sit in a train hut at the side of the train tracks in the highlands of scotland and all he does all day is press a button he is approached by his boss and told if he goes on a 3 day course and passes it he can get a promotion with more money but will still do the same job in his hut,the scottish man goes on the course for 3 days and studys hard his examiner tells him he will visit him in his hut tommorrow and test him,tommorrow comes and the examiner comes to his hut the first question he asks him is what would you do if 2 trains were on the same tracks on a collision course to which he replys i would press the emergency realese button there which would seperate the tracks avoiding collision,examiner then asks what would you do if the button was stuck to which he replys i would hit the second emergency release button which would seperate the tracks avoiding a collision examiner then asks what if that button was stuck to which he replys then i would run out to the train tracks and pull the emergency lever which would seperate the tracks examiner then asks what if the lever broke to which he replyd i would cross over the tracks to the second emergency lever and pull that one seperating the train tracks examiner then asks what if that lever was broken to which the scotsman replyd i would run down the road and get my uncle jim the examiner looks at the scotsman puzzled scratches his head then asks why would you get your uncle jimmy to which the scotsman replyd cause hes never cn a fuckn train crash before

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out,you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added; " For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR DELAY...PLEASE SEE THE FAT BITCH IN THE KITCHEN